The title of this article is quite loaded, yes. But every word in the title is so important for the message I have today. I want to talk about three separate but interconnected terms that each affect how we experience our reality and prevent us from doing proper inner work to elevate our consciousness.
The first one:
We can become addicted to our emotions. Again – We can become addicted to our emotions.
We become addicted to our emotions due to the program we are exposed to from the moment we are born. We don’t ask to become addicted to our emotions, and it’s not a conscious choice. I’ll talk about the program more thoroughly in future posts, but until then, the main point is that suffering is a part of the program that affects our ability to connect with our Inner Self, communicate with our Guides, and raise our consciousness.
The program wants us to allow and believe that it’s normal for suffering to control every aspect of our life. It’s not. As humans on Earth, our natural state is peace, love, and light. Suffering can be programmed addiction and affliction.
During my dark days, I was severely addicted and dependent on the negative emotions that I was feeling.I identified solely as my trauma without realizing that I was causing my heart, mind, and soul to experience suffering over and over throughout my days. I allowed past trauma that was no longer happening to me to affect my present self and reality. At the time, it was important for me to acknowledge and heal from the trauma that I experienced throughout my life; however, there was a major difference between allowing suffering to take over my thoughts and actions versus healing from my past.
In order for me to expand on the concept of suffering, we need to discuss drama:
Consider that when you experience a traumatic event in your life, who you were at the time of the trauma will stay with you until you properly heal from the traumatic event. All of your past traumatized selves are literally walking around and hanging out with you because they need you to validate their pain. You subconsciously bring them along with you wherever you go, because you’ve gotten used to their presence in your life. When you bring your past traumatized selves with you into your present life, your past traumatized selves will think, speak, and act out for you and create a lot of anguish and loud noise over your present self. This makes it harder for you to connect with your Inner Self and have a clear understanding of your current reality.
When I was experiencing my dark days, my past traumatized selves were torturing me with flashbacks and memories of encounters where I experienced verbal racist attacks. My past traumatized selves were creating a lot of drama in my life by bringing up past trauma that I hadn’t worked through. The trauma I had experienced was over and was in the past, but because I hadn’t healed from old wounds, I was allowing the drama to recreate trauma in my body, mind, and soul.
This is what drama does. Drama’s role is to recreate trauma that is no longer happening and makes your body, mind, and soul believe that the trauma is still happening to you.
So when I was reliving these past experiences of racist encounters, my body was releasing stress chemicals and responding to the memory as if it was actually happening again in the physical realm.
This is extremely dangerous, because stored trauma in the body can cause severe illnesses, diseases, and death. No one wants you know that this is what happens when unresolved trauma becomes prolonged drama.
Trauma is an impact.
Think of your being: your body, mind, and soul, as a pond. The only thing in this pond is clean, clear water. Consider your trauma as someone throwing a big rock into your pond. You didn’t deserve for this rock to get thrown into your perfect, untouched pond. You most certainly didn’t ask for this unwanted rock to show up in your pond. But your pond is not ruined. There’s a rock there that wasn’t there before, but you are still a pond, and you still hold clean, clear water. Drama is when you stop identifying as the pond, and become the rock, and you only focus on how this rock is here and it wasn’t there before. All of your energy and emotions become focused on the rock, and you forget that you are still a beautiful pond with the nicest, cleanest water. You are not your trauma. You are your body, mind, and soul that is made up of Pure, Divine Love. (See my post about The Ocean for more information about Pure, Divine Love.)
Trauma happened to you. Trauma doesn’t have to become who you are. Trauma doesn’t have to continue. Trauma ends when you allow it to. Drama is created when your past traumatized selves enter your present life and think, speak, and act for you.
How I Let Go of My Past Traumatized Selves:
When I went to my childhood home for Thanksgiving, I felt very grateful that I was able to stay in the same room where I grew up, because a lot of people do not have that opportunity. I was very appreciative and took that opportunity to acknowledge the past traumatized selves that were there with me.
When I was in my room, I closed my eyes. I saw myself at various stages of my childhood and teenage years when I was sad, lonely, angry, and confused. I remembered how my past selves wanted someone like my present self to look up to. I thought about how happy my past selves would be to see who they became and how much better my present life is. As I visualized all of my past traumatized selves sitting and standing around me, I told them that they are loved and that there is no need to be so sad and afraid of the future. I told them that everything they are experiencing is valid, and it will pass.
I visualized pure, white light surrounding and passing through my present self and past selves, and I felt incredible love for all of us. I told them that I appreciate how much they taught me, and that it’s time for them to all go into a room in the past and to stop affecting my present life. I thought about how amazing all of this love and light would have felt during all of those dark times in my life, and I felt that my past selves were all loved and received validation. Finally, I visualized all of my past selves walking into a room together. I said goodbye to them and closed the door once they were all inside.
Instead of my past selves creeping into my present life, they are now kept safely in a room of love and validation. They are happy; their trauma is over, because I made it so.
Other people can support you on your journey through your dark days and provide you with techniques of how to heal yourself, but only you can validate you. Only you can heal yourself. You must allow yourself to validate your trauma and heal from it.
Only you know when it’s time to love and validate your past traumatized selves, put them all in a room, and close the door. This is an ongoing process. You may need to love and validate your past selves over and over until they are no longer affecting who you currently are. You do not need to suffer. You do not need to prolong your trauma. You can allow yourself to be free of your past and open to who you presently are. It all starts by having compassion for yourself and accepting that you deserve love and validation, no matter what you’ve been through.
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Song of the Day:
“Gravity Rides Everything” by Modest Mouse from The Moon and Antartica
Love and light, friends. You can follow me on Instagram @allegretta.artworks